(24/30) A Merry Misadventure

Back to a story longform for this one with a pleasant kind of folksy doggerel rhythm. Not sure if this could do with a couple of extra stanzas though...

Spurs 4/5

A Merry Misadventure

The shotgun in my back is suggesting rather strongly
That this is a path I’d wandered down somewhat wrongly.
It’s a steely kind of insistence at the curve of my lower back
Which makes me really wish I’d stuck to my original tack.

There I was a young buck, my business to be minding,
Wandering all carefree, not seeking something binding.
When all a sudden I did espy a maiden with a cure
For a wild and lonesome lad with thoughts not so demure.

“Oh lady fair, you’ve fair set my heart strings thrumming
And your back country beauty is impressively becoming!”
I impressed upon her the integrity of my credentials
Before we retired for the eve back to her residentials.

I won’t say how many beasts there were or how many backs,
Only that the sleep which came o’er after was proper anticlimax.
We dallied and we tarried long in all our special places
‘til we knew the lands’ contours better than each other’s faces.

It’s fair to say I saw all the sights during that brief spell
And when my spring was well spent, ‘twas time to say farewell.
So on I went to explore the surrounding bounteous valleys
And sup delights from hidden wonders down any darkened alleys.

But though I roamed cross dales so green and many beaches sandy
I realised that no-one since had touched me quite like Mandy.
I decided then that I’d go back, seek out an experience old
And break my resolution that the past’s a country cold.

My path did weave and wend its merry way back to the point before
Though, of course, it was the scenic route I took to end up at her door.
As it creaked slowly open, came forth ideas long anticipated
But the vision that hove into view was not quite as contemplated.

The luscious lass whose copious charms had entertained me nightly
Had, in the 7 months since last I saw, become rather less than spritely.
Blood turned to ice, my veins were chill, all colour drained from face,
As I stepped back, averted eyes, and prepared to flee that place.

Then clammy hand came down behind and clamped me to the spot;
I looked into her father’s face and patch-eyed dragon’s what I got.
I’m a cheeky chappy, though, with quite a ready wit to hand
But even my usual excuse of last resort wouldn’t get me off this stand.

I ‘ummed’ and ‘erred’ at first and feigned ringing the wrong bell,
Then insisted I wasn’t involved but “I’m sure your daughter’s swell”…
With partnership looking likely, my trump card I had to play,
“I certainly can’t have been involved, you see, for I am gay!”

Normally this would garner an apology and I’d be out toute suite.
Except the looks upon their faces suggested I’d offered up a treat.
Dad said, “You’ll forgive me if I say your claim sounds somehow hollow,
We’re going to have to test if this is something we all can swallow.”

Out he went mysteriously, leaving me with the rosy daughter gravid;
Mandy’s eyes still bore a flame, though my loins were no longer rabid.
He came back in with a youngish man, Mandy’s brother he announced.
“You’ll go on a date with Darren here, then truth shall be pronounced!”

Between a rock and a hard place was where I now was stuck
And to get out free would require a special kind of… luck.
With this story I had made my bed and in it I must lie
But I was undecided if that would be with girl or guy.

With reluctance out we went (well, he’s a fair and comely lad);
I had to make it good for him to judge me true and not a cad.
So at the end we leaned in closer and I fought down rising urges
Of wide-eyed surprise, all cuckoo-like, as we tested what emerges.

From dinner to experimental place, the two of us progressed.
Come morning, from that late-night lab, I crept out semi-dressed
Hoping to be far from culpability and long gone ‘fore anyone knew
But a noisy ill-placed bottle dobbed me in, as from the nest I flew.

So it was I found myself pinned by Dad’s sole and goodly eye
As helpless and transfixed as a chloroformed butterfly
And with a net that was closing in from every point of vision
There was no escape to be had from a really difficult decision.

Apparently last night’s dalliance had awoken Darren’s heart
So much so that he’d called in his dad to help resolve my part
And with his trusty rifle aimed at me, a barrel he had me over
It definitely appears to be curtains for this free-spirited rover.

And so, my friends, this is the choice to which I will be bound:
Do I pick fair daughter Mandy and the attendant in her round?
Or do I go for Darren’s charms, full of vim and brand new vistas
Whose ability to touch me so was not unlike his sister’s?